This quiz can help assess how you learned about affection, sexuality, emotional closeness, and pleasure.

Have fun taking the Love Code Quiz and remember this is not a substitute for a more extensive evaluation.

1. Which of the following best describes the quality of the relationships within your family while you were growing up?

	We were a close family who communicated openly, respected each others privacy, shared our feelings, and spent time doing fun things together.
	Our family was close and did things together but my parents did not always allow for free expression.
	I don’t recall a lot about my childhood and nothing outstanding comes to mind. I think we were a normal, typical family.
	My family did not do a lot of sharing. I know my parents cared about me, but we all tended to do our own things.
	My family was dysfunctional. There was substance abuse, sexual abuse, physical abuse, or neglect.

2. How important and influential was religion in the house you grew up in?

	My family did follow some religious traditions that give me wonderful memories of good times together. Even if we did not practice a traditional religion, I was raised understanding the importance of spirituality.
	I was exposed to religion and attended services on major holidays. Although we did not participate actively, my parents told me that religion was important. I think it was more important that we remained within our religious affiliation than to be a spiritual person.
	I either was exposed to no religion or it leaves me with no strong feeling of spirituality.
	We attended services and appeared to be an ideal family. However, at home, it was far from how we really were.
	Religion was used to control my thinking and behavior. I still feel guilty about so many things and wonder if this has inhibited me sexually.

3. Were you allowed to ask questions about sex or to discuss sexual topics in the household were you were raised?

	Yes, I felt that I could approach my parents and/or siblings with questions I had. We did discuss current sexual topics in the news, or of personal interest. We might even tell funny stories or jokes that were appropriate.
	Yes, I could ask questions and received information. It tended to be more clinical than personal, but I didn’t feel restricted in asking.
	I might have been allowed, but never asked. We did not discuss sexual topics.
	No, I did not ask questions about sex. My parents lectured me about sex and focused on not getting myself or someone else pregnant. My parents gave me many negative messages about sex.
	My parents either never discussed sexual topics or did so in a manner that was overly sexual and made me uncomfortable.

4. Was affection shown between your parents?

	Yes, my parents would show affection physically and verbally. You could tell that they loved and were attracted to each other.
	My parents were definitely in love and kind to one another. They were outward in showing that they cared but not necessarily with affection.
	I was raised in a single parent household or never saw any physical or verbal display of affection.
	My parents were distant towards one another, or lacked emotional closeness.
	No, instead they fought in a hurtful manner (physical/emotional) or were overly sexual in front of us.

5. Were your parents affectionate with you?

	Yes, my parents let me know they cared about me both verbally and physically. I am satisfied with the amount I received from both.
	I had one parent that was more affectionate than the other, but felt that I was close to both of them.
	My parents supplied me with all the basic needs but were not very affectionate. That was ok with me.
	My parents were inconsistent, inappropriate, or only able to be affectionate if they were drinking, drugging or in a good mood.
	I was abused either sexually and/or emotionally and am still confused about shows of affection.

6. How did you respond to information about sex you received from your parents, friends, family, school, media or religion?

	I was curious and either asked questions or believed what seemed right for me. In fact, I was interested in this topic and sought out opportunities to learn more.
	I can’t recall where I got most of my information, but know that I was curious and interested.
	I don’t recall being exposed to sexual information as a child, and, quite frankly, was into other things.
	The information I received was contradictory and confusing. I tended to avoid the topic.
	I think I was overly influenced by mixed-up information I received. There was either way too much exposure to overt sexual behavior and/or materials or I was frightened to even think about sex.

7. How old were you and under what circumstances did you have your first pleasurable sexual feeling?

	It was during my childhood, somewhere between three and nine years old. The activity was either self-discovered, recommended by a peer or an unexpected sensation. I remember it felt really good.
	My first recollection would be when I was a child. I remember wondering what this nice feeling was, but also felt a little guilty and naughty for feeling this way.
	I really can’t recall any pleasant or even sexual feelings during childhood. Come to think of it, I don’t know when and if I’ve ever had one.
	My first awareness of sexual sensations was innocent enough. But when I was either caught or told someone, I felt ashamed and either hid the activity or didn’t do it anymore.
	My sexual feelings were forced on me before I was ready or were self discovered but verging on the realm of socially unacceptable. As a result, I think I became somewhat obsessed about sex or learned to disconnect these feelings.

8. Which most closely describes your experiences during puberty?

	I don’t recall this period as being unsettling and managed to fit in quite well. Of course, I hoped I was attractive enough but didn’t let these thoughts keep me from pursuing relationships.
	It was an awkward period of time and there was some concern about fitting in. Even though my parents were positive about the changes that were occurring, I had some self-doubts. Thank goodness my hormones let me get beyond that.
	Puberty didn’t make a lot of difference in my life. Sure, I started to get more responsibility, but I wasn’t obsessed with having a relationship. It was no big deal.
	Puberty was a really awkward time and I felt unprepared for the social pressure. I was confused about the physical, as well as emotional and relationship changes that were going on.
	The only good thing about puberty is that it’s over. I felt so self-conscious about my body and myself that I either found myself in sexual situations I hadn’t planned on or avoided social events.

9. Do you think you have a positive and healthy view of sex?

	Most definitely. It’s an important part of my life and a source of closeness and pleasure. I feel sexy and can express my desires openly with my partner(s).
	I think my view is pretty positive. I sometimes hold myself back from sharing with my partner how I feel about the things we do or asking for my own pleasures. It’s hard to talk about those things, but I’m working on it.
	I never really thought about it.
	I wish I did, but I have so many conflicts that it’s hard to hide them when I’m with a partner. I don’t think I even know what is positive and healthy.
	My view of sex is anything but healthy. I feel like I’m scripting or controlling another when I have sex with a partner. Quite frankly, this is an area in my life that I either avoid or am overly focused on.

10. Did you ever have a partner who made you feel like your sexual preferences and fantasies weren’t normal?

	That has never happened, but if it did, it would be their loss!
	Yes, I’ve embarrassingly been told some of the things I do aren’t turn-ons for my partners. I try to work it out, but if I can’t, I’ve found others who do not stifle or control my sexual preferences.
	Do people really talk about these things?
	I don’t even know what my preferences or fantasies are. And even if I did, I wouldn’t want my partner to think I was weird or perverted.
	I find that sometimes I am so busy pursing and satisfying my sexual desires that it overtakes my life and makes relationships difficult. My fantasies can be erotic but I think others would think there was something wrong with me. Sometimes no sex is the best answer.